


Let Me Go

by mystichoi



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Assassination, Assassination Attempt(s), Brainwashing, F/M, Gun Violence, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Torture, Minor Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Spoilers, Superpowers, Violence, buckle in folks, its gonna be angsty, spoilers for literally everything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-10-19 00:40:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10628553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mystichoi/pseuds/mystichoi
Summary: What he thought was the best solution to his problems turned out to be the worst decision he'd ever made.Three years after he left, he came back in hopes to reconcile with her. To tell her he was sorry, to beg for forgiveness if he had to.What he didn't expect to hear was that she'd been missing for nearly three years he had been gone.





	1. Hope for the Best, Expect the Worst

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Nothing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9765404) by [Inked_Blue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inked_Blue/pseuds/Inked_Blue). 



> Paragraphs that are centered and in italics are flashbacks! Every chapter will start off as a flashback.
> 
> This story was inspired by a beautiful, angsty work done by Inked_Blue, "Nothing". It's almost like a spin-off. That work made me cry so much that I decided to make it even more angsty and painful, so here you go :)

_"Saeyoung... why? Why would you do this?!"_

_"Wha... where did I go wrong?"_

_"Please don't leave me, Saeyoung."_

_"Saeyoung, I can't live without you."_

_"I love you! I love you and only you! I-I don't care about what you did, just don't leave me!"_

_"I can't bear the thought of you with someone else, Saeyoung. Please, please don't do this to me!"_

_"Why did you go?"_

_"Why wasn't I enough for you?"_

* * *

Amber eyes shot open, tears rapidly rolling down the sides of his face. Heart clenching painfully, Saeyoung sat up and placed his hand over his chest. He wiped the tears from his eyes and took in deep breaths to calm his erratic mind and heartbeat. Her voice refused to rid itself from his memory. It was like at every moment he's spent away from her, her strained and tearful voice would cloud his mind. 

He tried to forget all about her. He believed it would work best in his favor — that Saeran was the only person who mattered to him now. But he couldn't deny the deep feelings he had for her. They were stubborn — just like her — and refused to disappear.

Saeyoung truly believed that him leaving her and the RFA was the best decision for Saeran and himself. But lately, he had begun to think the opposite. He missed his friends dearly, and the fear of his old agency coming to snatch him away had gone away. The agency has been dormant ever since Saeran exposed them.

Saeyoung shut his eyes once more and dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, trying to rid the image of her from his eyes.

God, she was beautiful. He couldn't deny that.

Noeul, the woman he loved. Love _s_. The newest member on the RFA, their party planner. Though she had chesnut colored hair that reached the perfect dip of her waist, copper eyes that seemed to borderline hazel, small stature that fit his own, Saeyoung believed that she was the most perfect woman in the world. Her features, to others might have been basic, but to him it was the complete opposite. Noeul could read him like an open book — a trait he both loved and hated. She understood him so well and loved him unconditionally. She truly was the most perfect woman for him, but God, was Saeyoung an idiot.

His method of pushing her away for good... absolutely idiotic. She didn't deserve the pain of heartbreak, but he wasn't sure what else to do. He had seen her cry enough for a lifetime — but he was dumb enough to make her cry again due to his stupid idea.

Saeyoung wanted nothing more than to run back to her, take her into his arms, beg for her forgiveness, and to love her again. Even if it would be for the last time in his life, he wouldn't care. He just wanted to hold her again.

"What the hell are you doing?"

His hands dropped from his eyes and he opened them slowly, blinking to reduce the morning blurriness from his eyes. He picked up his glasses from the nightstand and placed them upon his face, eyes focusing on the figure before him.

Saeran stood at the foot on his bed with a confused expression on his face, one hand holding a cup of water while the other was stuck into the pocket of his jeans. His hair was back to its original yet unusual shade of red. His eyes where still their almost chilling mint green, a factor which Saeyoung didn't completely understand.

Noticing the distraught look on his brother's face, he let out an annoyed sigh. "You dreamt about that woman again. Specifically, Noeul."

"Specifically?" Saeyoung questioned. 

"Well, you did kiss some other woman. I do have to specify since you're such a womanizer." Saeran replied with a flat look as he handed the cup of water to his brother.

Saeyoung sighed. "It's the same fucking dream over and over."

"Are you nervous?" Saeran questioned. He looked off to the side, eyebrows furrowing. "Um, dreams reflect how we feel."

"Okay, philosopher Saeran. I just ... I don't know what I'll do once I see her. What if she fell in love with someone else? It's probably better for her if she did that, but it's still going to —"

"Ugh shut up." Saeran groaned. "Stop worrying so much. That woman loves you, though I honestly don't know why she does. So stop fucking worrying and get your shit together."

Saeyoung watched his brother walk away from the bed and walk out of the room. He couldn't help but smile at the thought of how far they've come since the whole ordeal.

The twins left as soon as they could after Saeran was 'discharged' from the hospital. He said his short goodbyes in the RFA messenger and broke Noeul's heart so she wouldn't go after them. Saeran and his mental health was his top priority, and he needed to make sure that they were both in the clear before they could go back to a normal life. It took a while for Saeran to warm up to Saeyoung and better his mental state — hence the three years. Though Saeran couldn't be helped without the proper medical attention, he could start by mending his relationship with his brother.

But now they were ready. They could go back to the RFA, to Noeul. He couldn't wait to see them all and start his somewhat normal life with his twin brother by his side. Maybe he could reconcile with Noeul. Maybe then they could be happy.

Chugging the cup of water, he tossed the sheets off of him and got up from the bed. He picked up his phone — to which he had downgraded to a crappy flip phone for security purposes. He flipped it open and began to type out a number he hadn't dialed for three years.

He couldn't call Noeul. He wasn't ready, and he couldn't possibly do that to her. Any RFA member he'd call would most likely be angry with him, but he could handle it. He just couldn't handle talking to her after three years.

Once he dialed the number and pressed the green dial button, he placed the phone to his ear and waited. The ringing made him anxious, but he willed himself to wait.

But when the call went through and the person on the other side of the line picked up, his breath hitched in his  throat.

_"Jumin Han speaking. Who is this?"_

He swallowed the lump in his throat and forced himself to talk. "Jumin?"

The line went silent for a few moments. 

_"Who is this?"_

"It's... it's me. Saeyoung. Luciel. Seven?" Was it possible for the corporate heir to forget him? Maybe he could forget how Saeyoung's voice sounded like. 

_"... Saeyoung. Saeyoung Choi?"_

"Yes." He breathlessly answered.

_"God... it's really you, isn't it?"_

Saeyoung lightly chuckled. "Yeah, it's me. You're probably wondering why I'm calling."

_"After three years? I'm wondering a lot of things, Saeyoung."_

"I know, I know. Just..." He sighed. "I have a lot to explain. But I want to talk to everyone.The RFA."

_"... Are you implying that you will be returning to Korea?"_

"Yup. How is everyone, by the way?" Saeyoung questioned. He couldn't help the small smile that tugged at the corner of his lips.

_"Everyone is doing well, the last time I checked. Though I am unaware if you've been keeping tabs on us, you should know that the RFA disbanded last year."_

It was Saeyoung's turn to fall silent. If everyone went their separate ways, where could Noeul have gone?

_"How have you been, Saeyoung? Is Saeran there with you?"_

"Um... we're doing fine. The agency has been quiet for a while now, so we decided that we could return. I'd love to see everyone again. It's been so long." Saeyoung explained, running his fingers through his messy hair. It had grown significantly longer, nearly reaching the nape of his neck. Saeran's hair was significantly shorter than his, since he had cut it himself once his real hair color grew in.

_"I'm sure everyone will be happy to see you. A lot has changed since you two left. May I ask when you will be returning?"_

Saeyoung felt uneasy once Jumin had mentioned 'changed'. What did that mean for Noeul? "Actually, I was planning on heading back today. We're only a five hours away. We've been driving back since yesterday."

_"That's quite the short notice, Saeyoung. But I will make sure everyone will come. How about you both come to my building? I'll arrange a conference room for all of us to meet."_

"Yeah, that sounds great, Jumin. I'll call you once we're near, okay?" He said. "And hey, um, how's uh ... Noeul doing?"

There was a significant pause before Jumin answered. _"I believe you should hear... Nevermind. I'll see you, Saeyoung."_

"Jumin? What's wrong with-" The call ended before Saeyoung could finish. His heart began to beat rapidly in fear of what could've happened to Noeul in these past three years. Maybe Jumin was just referencing that she fell in love and married someone else, right? It could've have been something bad. It couldn't have.

If only he had known what waited in store for him.

* * *

The drive back to Seoul was a long one. Saeran rarely talked for the five hour drive, opting to have his earbuds in the enitre time. He had also looked out the window, eyes set on the sky above him. Saeyoung didn't mind much, though he wished he had some sort of distraction from the anxiety that constantly rose within him. He was nervous to see everyone again. He didn't know if they'd be angry at him, or maybe happy to see him. Yoosung would probably be the most angry at him. He wouldn't be surprised if the blond refused to talk to him. Noeul ... he hoped for the best.

The anxiety in him only rose the closer he got to Jumin's building. They were only five minutes away - five minutes away from seeing everyone he had missed so dearly. He glanced at Saeran to see him picking at the skin around his nails. He didn't even have to ask his brother to know that he was uneasy about the whole ordeal. Saeran hadn't had to deal with anyone other than his brother, and he felt uneasy meeting the people he once wanted to corrupt.

"You okay?" Saeyoung questioned, eyes shifting back to the road.

A grunt was all he got in response. Saeran shifted in his seat and clasped his hands together. "It'll be weird."

"Don't worry. They'll probably be more mad at me." Saeyoung reassured. His hands tightened around the wheel as Jumin's building came into view. "But I am definitely not ready for this."

Saeran didn't say anything. He once again looked out the window and now picked at the hem of his black cashmere sweater. Saeyoung sighed as he pulled into the parking garage beside it. The process was short as he paid for parking. He parked the car and got out with Saeran, who tucked away his earphones and held his hands in front of him. His face was relatively blank, but his eyes betrayed him. He could imagined the he looked the same.

The twins made it out of the parking garage and walked inside the pristine building of C&R International. The lobby looked the same as it was three years ago, which put his mind somewhat at ease. They approached the lobby's receptionist and got their sticker badges, and were sent straight to the elevators that led up to Jumin's floor.

It was just Saeyoung and Saeran in the elevator. The silence bugged him, but he couldn't find it within himself to talk. He was so nervous that he felt like his heart were about to jump out of his chest. Saeran must feel exactly the same, though he wasn't as skilled in controlling his anxiety.

His breath hitched in his throat once the elevator doors opened. The first person he saw awaiting for them was the one and only Yoosung Kim. His blond hair was still the same, minus the red clips. He was dressed in a suit and tie, a badge hanging around his neck with the proof of employment on it. Violet eyes (sported with dark bags underneath) narrowed in the slighest once they laid upon Saeyoung.

The twins walked out of the elevator, Saeran looking off to the side whereas Saeyoung met Yoosung's gaze with a hopeful expression.

"Yoosung ... hey." Saeyoung greeted. He fet like he couldn't breathe.

The blond stared at him quizzically. He then gave him a firm nod before turning around and walking away. "Follow me."

Saeyoung had expected an outburst, or some minor yelling from Yoosung. But this wasn't so bad in his eyes. He tugged on his brother's sleeve and followed after the blond. 

Call it an old habit, but Saeyoung surveyed the entire floor carefully. The employees didn't even give them a glance, too invested in their work. He noted all the possible exits in case something went wrong, and the twins would have to bolt.

He glanced at his twin brother, who seemed a little troubled seeing the amount of people on this floor. Saeyoung nudged him softly with his elbow, causing the smaller brother to flinch. Saeran met Saeyoung's gaze, to which the older brother gave him a look of reassurance.

The trio stopped in front of a conference room, where the blinds were shut so no one outside could see what was happening inside. Yoosung didn't even glance over his shoulder as he opened the door and stepped inside, holding the door open for the twins.

Saeran instinctively stood behind Saeyoung, fingers brushing against the sleeves of his army green jacket. "It's okay," Saeyoung had said to him, before stepping into the room.

Amber eyes surveyed the room, before settling on each and every former RFA member ... except for Noeul.

Jaehee, Zen, Jumin, Yoosung, himself ... but no Noeul.

"Hey guys," Saeyoung greeted, a weak smile finding its way onto his chapped lips.

Jumin was the first to step forward, fingers picking at his cuff link. "Saeyoung, Saeran. It's great to see you both."

Jaehee then stepped forward. "You both look incredibly well. I hope everything has been good for you two."

"Yeah! Yeah ... it was good. And it's so nice to see you all again." Saeyoung responded. He stepped to the side to reveal a nervous looking Saeran. "Right, brother?"

Saeran glanced up before quickly averting his gaze elsewhere. "Yeah."

No words from Yoosung or Zen. They stood there idly, eyes set on the twins who stood by the doorway. 

But no Noeul... where was she?

"Hey, um, where's Noeul?" Saeyoung questioned.

As if the tension in the air could thicken, it did. Jumin glanced at Jaehee, who returned the same unreadable look. Yoosung sighed and Zen crossed his arms. 

"Please, lets all take a seat." Jumin said, turning away from the twins and heading to the head of the table. Jaehee, who now sported long brown hair, followed after him and sat at the seat to the left of him. Yoosung sat to his right, with Zen right beside him.

Saeyoung wasn't sure where to sit, so he sat at the other end of the conference table. It wasn't very large to begin with, only two or three seats separating the twins from the rest of the members.

"You guys are kind of scaring me. Where's Noeul?" Saeyoung pressed on. He glanced between the former members of the RFA. "If... if she married someone else, you can tell me."

Jumin exhaled deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Saeyoung, I wish that were the case."

God, this was not easing his fears. Especially with the solemn look Yoosung gave Zen, who merely shut his eyes and slouched in the slightest. Saeyoung looked at Jumin expectantly, hands clenching his knees tightly.

"Saeyoung ... Noeul has been missing for the past three years."

Just like that, his world shattered.

 

 


	2. No. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor graphic depictions of violence ahead!

_There was a man who stood in the alleyway, bright red hair contrasting greatly against the dim lighting and objects. He had his hands up against the wall, trapping a woman between his arms. She was pretty; short blonde hair that fell in waves with blue eyes that outshone the dim lights. Her cheeks were flushed, lips parted expectantly. She was waiting for a kiss._

_He granted it. He leaned down and pressed his soft lips against her own, kissing her like it would be the last time they'd see each other. Her hands gripped at his black jacket, fisting the cloth and pulling him closer to her curvaceous body. He allowed her to, hands drifting down to grip at her shoulders._

_A woman with long, chestnut hair stood a mere three feet away, tears welling in her hazel eyes. Her shaking hands came to her mouth to muffle her gasp, cursing herself for being so loud._

_The man stiffened, appearing to be uncomfortable that someone caught him in the act of such an intimate moment. He pulled away from her, pressing her body into the wall and distancing her from himself. He looked over his shoulder, emotionless amber eyes meeting pained, tearful ones._

_The pain that tore through her heart to see the man she loved with another woman was indescribable. A sob tore through her lips — ugly and loud — full tears rolling down her cheeks._

_He didn't even let go of the other woman. Didn't say sorry. He couldn't even say 'It's not what it looks like!'. He just stood there, indifferent to the crying woman before him._

_She couldn't stand it no longer. She turned on her heels and ran in the other direction._

_Her heart broke even more when she didn't hear his footsteps following after her._

* * *

She remembered. All she knew was that remembering was not good. She needed to forget. She needed to forget to be at her absolute best. She cringed at the thought of having to be brainwashed once more, but she knew she couldn't fight it. Madam Frost always told her to notify her whenever a memory of _him_ would surface.

Him. She didn't know who this red haired man was. All she knew was that she knew him in the past, but he was and could no longer be apart of her future.

Noeul — no, No. 3 — was trained to forget her past. She was a prioritized agent, one the Agency could not afford to loose. All their funds, all their research went to her.

Madam Frost was a trusted scientist within the Agency. She was given the task of creating a serum that could be used on their field agents; to make them more effective. In other words, much more powerful than the average human.

Agent No. 3 — Noeul — was a the only successful test subject. She was also subjected to their method of ... creating a loyal agent. It was a long, tiring, painful brainwashing process. However, Noeul would prefer to be brainwashed to no end rather than be subjected to the serum.

The serum worked in many ways. Increased her immune system, increased the durability of her skin, made her significantly stronger, increased agility, along with increased senses. The side effects of this serum, as observed by the failed test subjects, was: mental instability, death, weakened immune system, loss of sight and hearing, ruptured organs, and deteriorating of the muscle and tissues.

Noeul luckily managed to evade all the side effects. As far as she and the scientists knew, Noeul was perfectly healthy.

Madam Frost was heavily inspired by the fictional Super Soldier Serum created in the Marvel comics. She wanted to create the real life serum, so she dedicated her life to creating it. Madam Frost had told her that the mortality rate was a mere 10%. But at the time, Noeul did not care.

All she had wanted was to forget him.

* * *

_Noeul sat in the interrogation room, hands chained to the metal table. She was slouched in the uncomfortable chair, head hanging forward. Her messy bangs covered her blank, unmoving hazel eyes. She was completely still, fingers not even bothering to twitch. It was like she was an empty vessel, like the life was sucked right out of her._

_The interrogation room was cold and gray, a single light hanging from the ceiling to provide some light. Sitting on the other side of the table sat a man with black hair and slanted eyes, though he was not of Asian ethnicity. His dark, thick brows furrowed, soulless black eyes staring at the unmoving human before him. His suit was clean and crisp, not a wrinkle in sight. His mere appearance screamed authority, though it appeared that Noeul did not care._

_"Miss Noeul, is it?" The man spoke, voice deep and gruff._

_She did not respond. Her fingers, however, curled into fists._

_"My agents told me that you are in acquaintance with one of our former agents. Agent 707." The man stated, leaning forward with his forearms against the table, hands intertwined._

_This sparked a reaction out of her. She let out a dry, emotionless chuckle. She did not do anything else._

_"Do you know where Agent 707 has gone off to?" The man questioned. When she did not respond, he began to grow irritated. "Your compliance will be rewarded."_

_Noeul finally raised her head to met the gaze of the man in front of her. Her eyes, void of any emotion, betrayed the small grin that stretched across her lips. "If I knew where he was, I wouldn't be here right now."_

_The man tilted his head. "Is that so? Was there a relationship between the two of you?"_

_Noeul scoffed. "There was never anything. I thought he loved me. But he didn't. I was just ... No. I didn't come to you to talk about this."_

_"Oh?" The man said, eyebrows raising in the slightest. "So why did you seek out my agents?"_

_Noeul stared at the man, the creepy grin falling from her lips. Her expression grew blank._

_"I came to offer myself to you. To this agency. I want to forget him. So please, do what you have to. I don't want to remember him anymore."_

* * *

Noeul could remember that. She was allowed to. Anything else but the agency was forbidden. She was like a puppet that played into their hands. Her thoughts, her free will, no longer belonged to her. The man, Mr. Gerhardt, the head of the entire agency, had granted her what she wanted. In return, she had to become one of their agents and be a test subject of Madam Frost's wild experiments.

She knew what she was doing was wrong. She knew she should've never gone to Saeyoung's old bunker, where she knew it would be crawling with agents. But she was hurting, and for once she just wanted the pain to stop. She wanted to forget him and forget that he left her.

But the fact that she could now remember his name clearly showed that the brainwashing method was not working on her. It also meant that she had to be subject to long days of endless torture.

Noeul stood up from her cot, eyeing her room — which was more like a cell. She dusted off the imaginary dirt off of her black pants, adjusting her white tank top. Hair pulled into a high ponytail, the tips reaching her waist, she walked out of the cell. She grabbed her mask on the way out, slipping it on as she stepped out into the hallway. 

The walk to Madam Frost's lab was short. It was only a few hallways down from her cell. She had the entire headquarter building memorized in her mind. She knew what room contained what and what room belonged to who. She knew Mr. Gerhardt's office was three floors below ground — however most of the building was. Once she approached the double doors, she pulled out a key card from her jean's pocket, pressing it against a scanner to her left. The doors swung open inwardly, revealing the pristine white lab. 

Her eyes focused on the woman in the center, inspecting a mysterious looking blue liquid in a test tube. The woman looked up with a sharp look, which then melted into a almost soft look.

Madam Frost was undoubtedly a beautiful woman. She was in her forties though she looked incredibly young. She was German, with large doe eyes and silky black hair that ended just past her shoulders. Her eyes were a sharp shade of blue, which matched her last name. 

"No. 3, what brings you here at this hour?" Madam Frost questioned, voice thick with an accent.

"I remembered the man with red hair. His name was Saeyoung." Noeul responded, voice muffled by her mask. Again inspired by a Marvel comics character, her mask covered the lower half of her face, only revealing her eyes and above.

Madam Frost sighed. She placed the test tube back in the holder before hopping off of the stool. She beckoned the brunette over, heading over to a steel door at the back of the lab. She took out her key card and pressed it against the scanner. A loud beep sounded from the door, which prompted Madam Frost to grip the handle and pull the heavy door open. 

The pair walked into the room, which only contained a TV on the wall and a cross like structure right in front of it.

Noeul instantly regretted her decision of getting her memory wiped. She tried to back away, but Madam Frost latched onto her arm and pulled her towards the cross like structure. She grimaced as her arms were cuffed to the outer arms. Her neck was strapped down with rusted metal. Noeul clenched her jaw once Madam Frost pried her eyes open with some sort of mechanism that she couldn't recall. She wouldn't be able to shut her eyes now unless she wanted to tear her eyelids. The only thing she could see was the TV, nothing else. Not even the wall it was propped up on. She could faintly see her reflection through the TV. She wanted to close her eyes and look away, but she was unable to.

"No. 3, you are remembering far too often now. It appears that we must find other options that will prove most effective." Madam Frost said, double checking the cuffs that held her down. "I've been thinking about electroshock, much like the Winter Soldier had gone through..."

"B-But that's —"

"I assure you, we will find a way to make it work. Now without further ado..."

The TV suddenly turned on, showing a warp of many colors. It moved in twisting motions, or it merely warped in odd directions.

"Focus on my voice. Soothe your mind. Remember that..."

It was then and there where Noeul began to cry,  knowing that she had made the most ridiculous mistake of her life.

* * *

Saeyoung sat there in silence, repeating Jumin's words over and over in his mind. He could feel everyone staring at him, awaiting his reaction. But he didn't know how to react. How to feel. How should he react, now knowing that the woman he loved has been missing?

There was many possibilities to where she could be. She could be alive right now, but trapped in a slave ring. She could be alive right now, stuck in some man's basement with three other women, forced to play house. Or ... or she could be dead. Been dead for the past three years. Body scattered around the country, never to be found again. The thought of her being dead made an unwelcome wave of sheer dread course through his body.

"... What do you mean, missing?" Saeyoung forced out, throat tight. He forced himself to meet the stone gray eyes that belonged to the corporate heir.

"What else would it fucking mean? She disappeared after you left, dude." Zen answered. His voice sounded anything but friendly. So, he was still mad, Saeyoung noted.

"Disappeared like she went back home? Or just left the country?" He pressed on. He really, truly hoped that she went back home.

Jumin sighed. "Assistant Kim."

Yoosung stood up from his chair and walked to a small table off to the side, grabbing a simple folder. He walked back to his seat and sat down, handing Jumin the folder. The older man looked at the file and frowned, unseen emotions swirling within the depths of his eyes. Zen  took one look at the file before looking away, eyes glimmering with unshed tears. Jumin slid the folder across the table, right into Saeyoung's hands.

His hands trembled as he picked up the file, eyes reading the bold red letters on the file; 'CASE CLOSED'. With a sharp intake of breath, Saeyoung opened the file. A choked, dry sob escaped his lips as he saw the autopsy report. There, in bold letters, was her name. There, in bold letters, was her supposed cause of death - 'Ligature Strangulation'. He clenched the paper tightly in his hand, unable to stop the tears from escaping his eyes. She was strangled to death.

Where was Saeyoung when she went missing? Gone. He thought he was protecting her by leaving her, but he was so, so wrong. How could he have been so stupid? He should have realized that only he could have protected her by staying by her side. She would've still been alive if he weren't so stupid!

He placed the autopsy report to the side, glancing at what laid behind it. He couldn't even bring himself to look at the crime scene photos. He shut the folder and took his face into his hands, fingers digging into his hairline. The pain he felt within himself was drowned by the self-loathing he felt. Saeyoung never hated himself so much until this moment. If he had been around, he could have found her in a heartbeat and saved her from this horrid fate.

The file was pulled from under his elbows, to which he suspected was Saeran. The twin looked through the photos and grimaced. The bruises that circled her neck were an ugly shade of black and purple, and it appeared that her neck had been broken as well. Saeran, suddenly feeling nauseous, tucked the photos away and pulled out a newspaper article that discussed her disappearance. He glanced as his brother and pulled his hands away from his face, noticing that his nails were seconds away from breaking into his skin.

"She was found one month after her disappearance. Her body was found in a ditch." Jumin explained, jaw clenching tightly.

"Fuck. Fuck ..." Saeyoung whispered. He tilted his head back in hopes to lessen the tears, but all they did was roll to the back of his head.

"I don't know why you even care." Yoosung spat. Saeyoung lowered his head to meet the blond's hostile gaze. "You cheated on her and left her. You didn't have the audacity to show up to her funeral. So I'm having a hard time believing that those tears are genuine."

No one seemed to stop Yoosung's rant. Not even Jumin, who had tried keeping a level head about this entire situation.

"Yoosung, I love her. Of course I would care-"

"Bullshit!" Yoosung snapped.

"Assistant Kim," Jumin warned, giving the boy a sharp look.

Yoosung shook his head. "No! What gives him the right?! He didn't even see the state he left her in! Did you know that she was diagnosed with major depressive disorder? Oh right, you wouldn't know. Because you fucking left!"

Saeyoung couldn't even argue with him. His throat tightened, his vision blurred with tears, and his mind would not shut up about how much of a pathetic, idiotic person he was. He heard Yoosung's every word - how Noeul couldn't even get out of bed. She refused to eat, sleep, interact with anyone. She refused help and refused to take medication. All she did was stare at the wall, phone held tightly in her hand. Everyone assumed that she must've been waiting for a phone call from Saeyoung - something he couldn't even grant her.

A hand clasped around his wrist, causing him to flinch. He glanced to his left to see his brother, who had stood up from his chair and was glaring angrily at Yoosung.

"If you can't see why Saeyoung did what he did, then shut the fuck up." Saeran snapped, pulling his brother to his feet. "Let's go."

"Saeran, wait." Saeyoung protested as the younger twin pulled him out of the conference room.

"No, we're fucking leaving. This was obviously a mistake." Saeran retorted sharply, painfully gripping his brother's wrist.

Saeyoung tore his wrist from his grip and grasped Saeran's shoulders, forcing the twin to look at him. "No. I-I can't leave. They're all angry at me, and shit, I am too. But I-I'm not leaving again. I won't."

He let go of his shoulders and sighed, rubbing the remaining tears from his eyes.  They stung if he remembered her file, so he tried his best to push it to the far depths of his mind. Footsteps behind him caused him to turn around, seeing Jumin standing there with a stoic expression.

"We were planning on visiting her grave today, if you'd like to come." Jumin offered.

He wasn't sure if he'd be mentally prepared for it. But how could he even prepare for what he had just found out? The one and only love of his life, dead and away from this Earth. He wasn't sure what to do now, knowing that he would never see Noeul ever again. It was a painful realization, one Saeyoung wished he didn't have to believe.

With his mind closing in on itself, he agreed. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in case no one had noticed, this fic will also be heavily inspired by Hydra and the Winter Soldier from Marvel. If anyone watched Agents of Shield, I hope you noticed the brainwashing method that was used on Agent 33. I twisted some concepts of it, because apparently the person undergoing that method can still remember their past life but are trained to serve under Hydra. In Noeul's case, she will not be able to remember anyone from before her brainwash.
> 
> Also, 'Ligature Strangulation' is being strangled with something other than someone's hands. (Excluding things like a baton)
> 
> Y'all its only going to get worse from here lol


	3. Songs of Death

_Soft cries were the only audible noises within the cell. There was a small, distinct hum of the TV that could only be heard by the woman that was held up close to it. To the far end of the room stood Madam Frost, who watched her new test subject curiously. Strapped up and forced to watch the colorful warping on the TV, Noeul had done nothing but cry for the past three hours. She didn't cry up until now, but Madam Frost knew why. The crazed scientist hadn't brought up that lost agent until now, proving her suspicions of Nouel being unable to forget him._

_It was clear that Agent 707 mattered a whole lot to Noeul. Madam Frost wondered if she meant the same to the former agent. According to her test subject however, Agent 707 did not care for her._

_It was a lie that she couldn't believe._

_With a sigh escaping her chapped lips, Madam Frost slowly began to walk towards Noeul. They'd been going at this for six days now, and surprisingly  Noeul has not broken yet. Most agents lasted three or four, but not six. Perhaps it was the serum Madam Frost had been injecting in her since the beginning of her treatment._

_"What is your name, child?" Madam Frost questioned as she stood by her side, out of her view._

_Noeul pulled against the restraints frantically. "N-Noeul."_

_Madam Frost sighed. She walked over to the IV bag filled with mysterious blue liquid and grasped it tightly in her hands. The blue liquid gushed through the thin tube and injected itself into Noeul's with a hurried force. The brunette cried out in pain, now furiously trying to break free from the restraints._

_"It hurts! It hurts! Please stop, I don't want this anymore. Please, please!" Noeul cried. It was a creepy sight - eyes pried open, unable to shed any tears due to how long they've been kept open. Her previous attempts of shutting her eyes did not work in her favor. Only her wrists were bound, letting her arms hang uncomfortably. She lost feeling in them two hours into her 'treatment'._

_"You know what to say, child. Focus on my voice. Sooth your mind. Remember that your compliance will be rewarded. Submit yourself to us. We will free you of your pain and suffering. Are you willing to comply?"_

_It was silent for a few moments as Noeul's thrashing began to lessen. She let her arms go limp, pained expression turned blank. Her mouth fell open, though for a second nothing came out._

_"I am ... happy to comply."_

_"Very good. Now, what is your name?" Madam Frost questioned as she took a step towards Noeul, releasing the IV bag._

_Noeul seemed visibly relaxed when she answered._

_"Agent No. 3."_

* * *

  _Madam Frost stood in Gerhardt's office, waiting patiently for the man to get off the phone. They had extremely important things to discuss regarding their new agent, but it appeard like Gerhardt simply couldn't care less at the moment. The woman took a seat and leaned back in her chair, waiting for the man to finish his conversation. She overlooked the reports in the file she held in her hands, overlooking every single detail. The experiment had been a success, much to Madam Frost's pleasure. Her subject hadn't shown any side affects, though neither had she shown anything good. After six strenuous days of brainwashing, she finally had submitted herself to the Agency. At the moment, No. 3 was resting and being replenished of all the nutrients she was robbed of._

_After a few long minutes, Gerhardt ended his call and met Madam Frost's gaze. "So, I assume she gave up?"_

_"Yes. It took six days, but she sucessfully pulled through." Madam Frost said as she handed him the file. "She took longer than average, but that could have been due to the serum."_

_"The serum worked?"  Gerhardt questioned skeptically, sifting through the thick pile of paper. "Every other agent I've spared for you has died from that damn serum. I didn't give you clearance for it."_

_"Yes, well, now she survived and is not showing any signs of deteriorating." Madam Frost retorted. "Now, what about the body? Is it done yet?"_

_Gerhardt let out an annoyed sigh. "That damn corporate heir has been doing everything in his power to find Noeul. One of our undercover agents has stated that he's going to look into us."_

_"You know how to avoid this, Gerhardt. Plant the damn body and the case will close." She said, leaning forward in her chair. "I can send one of my own to be the one who finds the body, or does the autopsy report. This is all fairly easy."_

_Gerhardt gave the woman a sharp glare. "The body has been finished. I already have people out there to handle this. Her body's being planted right now."_

_Madam Frost then relaxed and leaned back in her chair. "Good. That man - Jumin Han - was becoming a problem."_

_Gerhardt grunted. "Yeah. His father has become a problem as well. But I'm planning for No.3 so solve that problem."_

_"Really? Well, it's too early to be hopeful. So many tests need to be run, plus she needs conditioning and training." Madam Frost said, thin eyebrow raised._

_"I'm aware," Gerhardt sighed, shutting the file. "But I'm not planning on waiting years for this, Frost. Our client wants him dead as soon as possible. And if the serum truly worked, then No. 3 will be assigned the mission."_

_Madam Frost smiled. "Sounds like a plan."_

* * *

 Saeyoung stood in front of her grave, unsure of how to feel. Everyone else had paid their respects, leaving the twins alone for a few moments. Saeran stood off to the side, allowing his brother to have a moment alone.  Her stone read:

**NOEUL SONG**

**MARCH 24, 1997 - SEPTEMBER 8, 2016**

**The song is ended but the melody lingers on...**

It was a simple black granite tombstone, with a laser engraving of a photo of herself. Saeyoung crouched down to the ground, hands shaking as her intertwined them and pressed them against his lips. Everything was so surreal to him. He didn't want to believe that six feet under the ground beneath him laid the woman he loved. His knees were sore and his legs shook from the uncomfortable position he was in, but at the moment he didn't care. He untangled his fingers from each other and placed one hand on the ground, feeling the grass beneath his fingers.

"I'm so sorry," Saeyoung choked out. He curled his other hand and pressed it lightly against his trembling mouth. "This should have never happened ... I should've stayed. I'm so, so sorry Noeul."

It was then where he couldn't stop the sobs. The sobs that wracked his body, depriving him of air. He gasped and hapsed for air but he needed to cry. All the frustration, all the anger, all the sadness that had pent up these past years just had to be let out. The news of her death was like a match being struck, lighting the flame that would simply burn and burn until it couldn't no more. His glasses, wet with tears, were torn off of his face as she tried wipe away the onslaught of tears. They wouldn't stop, the pain wouldn't stop.

Saeran took a tentative step towards his brother, not sure of how to handle the situation. The sight of his brother in hysterics put him on edge, making him want to hurt whoever reduced him to this. But then he remembered - this person was dead. This person had been hurt already and the pain had cost her. He looked at the tombstone, where an assortment of flowers laid at the base. He took a step closer to his brother and knelt down beside him.

 He reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. He let out a gasp when Saeyoung pulled his brother in for a tight hug, arms wrapped around his midsection and face buried in his shoulder. His cheeks erupted into a furious blush and he went to push him away, but faltered when he heard Saeyoung speaking.

"It's all my fault." He sobbed. "Everything is my fault."

Saeran wanted to groan. Too many times has Saeyoung gone through this episode in the past three years, blaming himself for things he could not control. Most times Saeran could just sit there and wait it out. But this, he knew, was different. If he didn't attempt to say something, he feared that Saeyoung would get his own personal grave right next to Noeul's.

"Stop," Saeran said, a little harsher than he intended. He pushed Saeyoung away and held him at an arm's length. "Stop blaming yourself for everything. You couldn't have known that this was going to happen. Shit happens whether you like it or not. The sooner you realize that, the better."

"But ... I could've-"

"No, you couldn't. Jumin had all of South Korea looking for her, but no one could save her. Aren't you religious? Isn't there some saying that God has a plan? Well, this was his and she managed to complete hers." The pained expression on his brother's face caused him to grimace. Wrong thing to say. "Look, just ... stop fucking blaming yourself, okay? This won't bring her back. It's time to let her go."

"Let her go..." Saeyoung whispered. He glanced at the tombstone, fresh tears welling in his eyes. "I-I can't."

Saeran gripped his brother's shoulders tightly. "They'll help you. I ..." He bit back the words he wanted to say. Too affectionate for his liking. "I doubt they'll let you go through this alone."

Saeyoung rubbed the tears from his eyes. He let out a deep sigh, picking up his glasses from the ground and placing them back on his face. The twins stood up in unison, Saeyoung giving the tombstone one last look before walking back to the rest of the group. Saeran went to follow after, but paused to look at her grave. 

He bit his lip, trying to think of the right words to say to a tombstone. "Um ... sorry that this happened to you."

It was all he could really think of at the moment. He followed after his brother, who had already met up with the group.

"Guys ... I'm so sorry that I left. It was selfish, I know. But I just ... I just wanted Saeran to get better and at the time it seemed to be the only option. Plus the Agency never really went away and I really didn't want to risk your lives so ..." Saeyoung apologized, fighting back the tears that willed to spill. "And I'm so fucking sorry that I wasn't here to help when Noeul disappeared. I know our chances of finding her would've been better if I were there and I hate myself-"

"Saeyoung, don't." Yoosung interrupted, exhaling in annoyance. "Don't start beating yourself up for this. Nothing would've changed even if you were there."

"He's right, Saeyoung." Jaehee added. "We did the best that we could, but her fate couldn't be changed. All we can do now is carry on with our lives with her in our hearts."

The older twin fell silent, eyes averting to the ground. He knew that they were right, but his mind refused to agree with them. Saeyoung always had issues himself. There seemed to be no time in his life where he thought he could possibly doing the right thing. Now that the only woman he ever loved was now gone, he wasn't quite sure what to do with himself.

A hand appeared in his line of vision, startling him slightly. He glanced up to see Yoosung with his hand out, a solemn look on his face. There was no anger or malice in his eyes, being replaced by an empathetic look.

"We know how you feel, Saeyoung. We all felt it." Yoosung said.

The odler twin shut his eyes before lunging forward and enveloping Yoosung in a tight hug. The blond was startled for a few moments, before sighing and wrapping his arms around Saeyoung. Yoosung allowed him to cry into his shoulder, tears wetting the fabric of his suit without a care. One by one, the rest of the group joined in on the hug. Zen forced Jumin and Saeran into the hug, though the two men really didn't put much up of a fight.

They were a broken family. But now, nothing could ever tear them apart now that they were finally reunited.

* * *

Waking up after days of being in a comatose state was always disorienting for Noeul. She often slipped into these states after being brainwashed, finding that she could not previously remember what happened to her days before. Every single time she woke, there was a crew of doctors and Madam Frost herself waiting to greet her. The doctors would run a check-up on her while Madam Frost asked her a series of questions, followed by the vocal code the older woman would say to her during the brainwashing. The doctors would then leave the room and Madam Frost would inject a dose of her serum - which no longer hurt Noeul anymore.

This was a process that she grew accustomed to but could never recall the past times she's had to do this. It was almost as if it she was programmed to do it without her knowledge. Which, knowing the Agency, it probably was.

So when Madam Frost stuck around after giving her a dose of the serum, Noeul felt confused yet she wasn't completely sure why she felt this way.

Madam frost stood in front of her, tossing the syringe away into the red biohazard trash can. She then looking through the folder she held in her other hands, muttering words Noeul chose to ignore. Her hearing was very sensitive, and at times she'd rather ignore things that actually eavesdrop.

The woman then shut the file, eyes meeting Noeul's blank, emotionless gaze. "Alright, No. 3. Today will be a little different. Before I send you off to training, Mr. Gerhardt would like to see you in his office."

Noeul was on her feet instantly, already walking past the scientist. Madam Frost followed after her, walking in step with her.

"May I ask why I'm being summoned?" Noeul questioned, hand coming up to touch her cheek. Once she noticed that her face was free of her mask, she felt a small sense of dread course through her. "I don't have my mask."

Madam Frost sighed. "Don't worry, it's currently three in the morning. No one but Gerhardt and I will be seeing your face."

"But the doctors ..."

Madam Frost suddenly appeared in front of her, eyes narrowed in a menacing glare. "What happened to not speaking unless you are spoken to? You are not allowed the right to, and I'm very sure that you would rather not go through conditioning once again?"

Brief flashes of the endless, almost torture-like conditioning appeared within in her mind. She couldn't quite pinpoint when this had happened to her, but the memories brought forth a small sense of fear.

Noeul stayed silent, averting her gaze away from Madam Frost. The older woman gave a brief nod before turning on her heels and walking away.

The walk to Gerhardt's office was a long, and quite annoying one. Since his was located three floors underground, it required going through endless hallways and having to travel through a specific elevator. It was like the floor he residered on was a complete different building, with its modern and expensive setting.

Noeul didn't really care about her surroundings looked like. She couldn't really process the value of all the expensive items that surrounded her along with all the modern fixtures. All she truly cared about was the man who resided behind the double doors at the end of the lobby.

She could sense his presence. She could hear his breathing. She was approximately six feet away from his office, though she could feel him as clear as day.

To others, Gerhardt was a rather intimidating man. He was the head of the entire agency — the most powerful and wealthiest man there. He had a multitude of connections and had various agents working for government positions all over the world. He was a ruthless man who could kill another without falter. He's survived countless attempted assassinations and has quite the kill streak. People should fear him.

Noeul couldn't find it in herself to fear him. In her eyes, he was just a simple man in power — like a manager who ran a completely legal business.

The moment her hands laid upon the stainless steel handles of the double doors, she took in a deep breath.


	4. Silent Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some sexual content at the beginning.

_Her skin felt so soft under his fingertips. There was not one imperfection he could find on her skin, though she could find many. He loved holding her or merely touching her. It gave him a sense of relief that she was real human, a real person who loved him and wanted to spend the rest of eternity with him. The thought made his heart flutter and his cheeks grow warm._

_He softly pressed the palm of his hand against her bare, smooth back. He rubbed his hand in small circles, earning an appreciative hum from his lover. She was exhausted in all the right ways. He couldn't even feel guilty in the slightest about making her so tired. She allowed him to leave evidence on her, and that is exactly what he did._

_He was aware that what he was doing was wrong. He was endangering her very life by merely being in the same room as him. It was a constant nag in his mind, where it would tell him that he wasn't good enough and that she'd be in pain because of him._

_A soft hand came up and cupped his cheek, thumb rubbing his cheekbone. He met the gaze of his star crossed lover, trying to fight the voices in his head. But just by looking into her hazel eyes, they began to grow quiet._

_"Please don't overthink things, Saeyoung." She murmured, lowering her hand so that she could brush the pad of her thumb against his kiss-swollen lips. "Everything will be okay."_

_Saeyoung kissed the pad of her thumb softly. "Was it that obvious?"_

_She shifted her position so that she now laid on her side instead of her stomach. He instinctively pulled her closer to him, chests flush against each other. His hand slid from her mid back to the area just above her bottom, that was slowly turning from pink to its pale shade._

_She hummed in response. "I can read you like an open book," She paused, taking a moment to stare lovingly into his amber eyes. "I will say it as much as you need me to. I love you. I wouldn't trade you for the world."_

_"Noeul..." He whispered his name as if he were trying to keep it as secret from prying ears. He pulled her closer to him, burying his face into her neck._

_"You don't have to say it back right now. But I just want you to know how I feel about you." Noeul said, running her fingers through his red locks of hair. Which, by now, had gotten pretty tangled thanks to her._

_Saeyoung let out a breathless sign against the smooth, freckled skin of her neck. "You're too good to me."_

_Her mouth opened to respond, probably to reinstate her love for him, but the words died in her throat at the feeling of his teeth nipping the juncture of her neck and shoulder. His arousal pressed onto her own, one hand drifting down to grope her bottom._

_He lifted his head and pressed his lips against hers, all desperate and needy. She clutched onto his shoulders and he held her body against him, grounding himself into her. His tongue breached her bruised lips and met hers, exploring her like she had something he desperately needed. Albeit a bit sloppy, it made her want more. She pulled away from the kiss, hoping to get some air back into her lungs. Saeyoung merely averted his sensual kissing down her jaw and neck, marring her skin with beautiful bruises._

_"S-Saeyoung..." Noeul breathed out, prompting him to pull away from her marked neck to meet her gaze. His heart nearly exploded at her flushed cheeks and hooded gaze. "I'm tired..."_

_"I did say that I was going to love you all night long, didn't I?"_

* * *

Something was off about Gerhardt.

The older man usually sported an apathetic look, never once showing an emotion in front of others. Not once has Noeul ever seen him laugh, smile, or cry in the past three years she's known him. So when she walked into his office to see him grinning at her, she felt confused and out of place. The doors shut behind her, effectively giving the two their privacy. 

Noeul bowed in respect, though she did not utter a word. She wouldn't risk getting reprimanded by him. Madam Frost was a lot more lenient when it came to Noeul, however Gerhardt has never hesitated to use pain as an excuse to let her know her place.

"Sit." Gerhardt commanded.

She did as she was told, sitting in the chair to her left. Gerhardt followed her every move with cold, calculating eyes. He was searching for a flaw, for any minor inconvenience so that he could prove that Madam Frost was simply a mad scientist. But to his dismay, Noeul seemed completely fine.

"I've called you down here today to discuss a mission I'm assigning you." Gerhardt began, picking up a file and handing it to her. When she grabbed the file and tried to pull it to her lap, Gerhardt held the file tightly in his hand. The grin faded from his lips and his expression became deathly serious. "This is a mission where I want not a single flaw. Do you understand, No. 3?"

Noeul gave him a curt nod. He released the file and watched her as she opened the folder and glanced inside. In one hand she held the folder. In the other, she picked up the four photos that showed an aging man, perhaps in his late fifties or sixties, with graying hair. In some photos, he was posed with a man who looked like a younger version of the old man. She placed the pictures down in her lap and picked up the document regarding her target.

**LEGAL NAME: YEJUN HAN**

**DOB: DECEMBER 12, 1960**

**HEIGHT: 5'11**

**RACE: ASIAN**

**ETHNICITY** **: KOREAN**

**GENDER: MALE**

**HAIR COLOR: GRAY**

**EYE COLOR: BLACK**

**FAMILY: JUMIN HAN (SON)**

**MOTHER & FATHER DECEASED**

**OCCUPATION: CHAIRMAN OF C &R INTERNATIONAL**

Noeul placed the document and the photos back into the folder, looking up to met Gerhardt's dark, emotionless eyes. He still bore the creepy grin, which began to unnerve Noeul in the slightest.

"Our client has requested that this is done in public, but at night. They gave us a list of requirements, all of which I am happy to meet. This is a very big mission I am assigning you, one where you can prove your worth. Should you fail, you will be terminated." Gerhardt explained. There was a glint in his eye the moment he threatened her, as if her death excited his very being.

She firmly nodded, hazel eyes impassive.

"Now, here's what you need to do..."

* * *

 

For the fifth time that day, Saeran tried opening the door to Saeyoung's room only to find the door locked. He would bang on the door and yell at the older twin to open the door, only to get silence in response. It was starting to worry him. The door was unable to be unlocked from the inside, which would soon prompt Saeran to kick the door in and check on his brother. However, he'd have to pay for the damage with the money he didn't have. Saeyoung had all their money, and currently, the other twin was moping inside the room.

After visiting Noeul's grave, Jumin offered the twins to stay in the spare bedrooms at his penthouse. They tried to reject the offer, but the wealthy man was rather persistent - and by persistent, they meant that Jumin threatened to send body guards after them to drag them back to the penthouse.  Saeran assumed that the former members weren't going to let the twins out of their sight now - especially Saeyoung. Currently, the older twin has locked himself in his room for the past couple of days.

Saeran paced in front of Saeyoung's bedroom, formulating a plan to get his brother out of there as quick as possible. He glanced down when the sound of a cat meowing appeared, directing his attention for a moment. The beautiful persian cat, sensing his distress, waltzed up to him and rubbed against his leg. He simply stared at the cat, not bothering to pet it. He grimaced once he saw the layer of cat hair Elizabeth had left behind on his black joggers.

"Shoo, kitty." Saeran commanded, gently pushing the cat away with his foot. God forbid he used any real force on the cat - Jumin would probably kill him.

Elizabeth only meowed in protest and walked back to Saeran, standing on her hind legs and reaching up on his legs. He growled in annoyance when the cat sunk its claws into his clothes, tearing at it as she tried to untangle herself.

"Stupid cat. Go away," He grumbled, grabbing her paws and unhooking her claws from his joggers.

She sat in front of Saeyoung's door and sniffed it, letting out a soft meow. Light bulbs went off in Saeran's mind at the sight of the cat. He knew how much his brother loved the damn cat. Maybe he could use the cat to force his brother to open the door once and for all.

Saeran knocked on Saeyoung door, picking up the cat and holding it in a rather awkward position. She tried to jump away, but he only held her tighter against his chest. "Brother, open the door! I have the stupid cat."

As if Elizabeth could understand him, she let out a growl and shifted in his grip, tail lashing.

After getting no response, Saeran snapped. "Jesus Christ, just open the door! You can't stay in there for the rest of your life!" He reached down and twisted the doorknob. "Jumin's going to kick you out if all you do is mope-" Saeran stopped mid sentence as the door swung open, revealing Saeyoung on the other side of the door.

The dark circles under his eyes had gotten darker and more profound. He wasn't wearing glasses. His eyes were puffy and red, the tip of his nose a irritated red. His hair was dirty and greasy, which caused Saeran to cringe. Saeyoung glanced down at Elizabeth and held his arms out expectantly. Jumin had told them beforehand that Elizabeth was strictly off limits, though this rule only pertained to Saeyoung. But the younger twin didn't really care about was rules Jumin tried to enforce - his brother was the only person who mattered to him.

Saeran placed the cat in his arms, much to her dislike. The older twin held the cat gently in his arms and placed her upper half on his should, holding her by her bottom. He went to shut the door but Saeran stuck his foot out, blocking the door from closing. Saeyoung didn't even try to force his brother out; all he did was walk back to his bed, place Elizabeth on the bed, and crawl back into the sheets.

Saeran shut the door behind him and walked over to the bed, pushing Elizabeth from the edge of the bed so he could sit down. The cat meowed in annoyance before going to lay beside Saeyoung. The younger twin stared at the lump under the sheets, watching the slow rise and fall of the sheet.

"You're upset," He stated. "Because that woman is dead. And you're blaming yourself like an idiot."

The lump began to speak. "That woman ... was the only woman I've ever loved. But because I was so stupid, she's dead."

"You are stupid. You could've told her the real reason to why you left instead of cheating on her." Saeran said, leaning back on one hand while the other rested on his lap. 

"Not helping." The lump grumbled.

"What? Do you want me to lie? I'm telling you how it is, brother. But just because you left does not mean that it was your fault that she got kidnapped. That can happen to anyone and you know that." The younger twin retorted.

The lump threw the covers off of itself, revealing a teary eyed Saeyoung. "She would've been alive right now if I didn't push her away. I was dumb enough to think that'd she be safer if I left her behind, but I was so wrong..."

Saeran groaned and flopped on his back on the bed, rubbing his eyes in annoyance. "All this crying and shit is not going to bring her back. You need to move on, Saeyoung. You were able leave her behind before. You can do it again."

"You suck at giving advice." Saeyoung grumbled, burying himself under the covers again.

"If you want advice, go to a therapist, shithead. But you better do something because I'm tired of seeing you like this." Saeran said.

Saeyoung reached out and pet Elizabeth's head, stroking the area between her ears. The cat purred in response, pushing her head against his fingers. Saeran watched the interaction with a blank look on his face. His brother's mental state truly worried him. Saeran's was no walk in the park, but he was aware that the older twin had some mental issues himself that he never confronted.

"Will you at least go take a shower? It smells like death in here," Saeran said as he sat up.

Saeyoung chuckled. "Probably because I want to die."

Saeran took one long look at his brother before dragging his sorry ass out of bed and into the bathroom.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> most of the info i put for jumin's dad is false, bc mysme refuses to give out details about other characters lol
> 
> this is more of a filler chapter, im sorry!!!
> 
> and tbh for this fic im makin saeran more of a softie with some rough edges. he just loves his bro too much man


	5. Old Faces

_Saeyoung had seen Noeul cry enough for a lifetime. Every tear that escaped her eyes was another knife to his heart, her sobs the twist of a knife. Back at the apartment,  she had tried to hard not to cry. But that one time he yelled at her, she ran to her room crying. Seeing her frightened face made him feel like some kind of monster. It made him think of the times where his mother would yell at Saeran and him, her screaming voice hurting their ears and tears pricking at their amber eyes. All he wanted to do was run after her and apologize a thousand times._

_But today was not the case._

_He could not run to her and comfort her. He could not tell her what she wanted to hear to ease her tears. He could not apologize to her for his infidelity._

_He merely stood there in front of her, watching her as she cried. She was on her knees, hands cupping her face._

_She tried to swallow down her cries. "S-Saeyoung, please ... please tell me what I did wrong. I-I promise that I'll fix it! Please!"_

_He forced himself to glare at her. "Everything about you is wrong. I never loved you."_

_She let out a choked sob of disbelief. The pain in her eyes was too much to bare, so he turned around and began to walk away._

_"T-Then I'll change! A-Anything you want, I'll do! Please, Saeyoung! We can fix this!" She cried as she pushed herself onto her feet and followed after him. "Please don't push me away again..."_

_Why was she making this so hard? Why couldn't she just hate him?_

_He spun around once more to face her, glaring into her tearful eyes. "What I want is for you to go away. Saeran and I will be better off without you. So pack your things and **leave**."_

_Not giving her a chance to say anything, Saeyoung left the bunker with tears streaming down his face._

* * *

That memory is what played through his mind as he stood in front of the woman whom he cheated on Noeul with. He couldn't bother to remember her name, but he remembered her face. She looked happy to see him with that cheerful grin on her lips, her cheeks flushed, eyes glinting in a certain form of happiness. Her hair had grown longer than from what he had remembered, now reaching her mid back. Her body was still as fit as ever, especially in the workout outfit she was currently wearing. Though she was beautiful, she was dull in Saeyoung's eyes. No one could ever match up to Noeul - especially not this random woman.

The twins just wanted to have a peaceful day today. Saeran dragged him out of bed and forced him to go walk outside, maybe get some ice cream, or just do anything that didn't involve moping in bed all day. His moping got worse once Jumin had given Saeyoung a bracelet that belonged to Noeul. A bracelet that Saeyoung had made for her. Saeran nearly fought the man but decided not to, opting to somewhat comfort his emotional brother.

But here they were, facing the woman that drove Noeul and Saeyoung apart.

"Luciel! It's so good to see you," She greeted. She glanced over to Saeran, eyes widening in the slightest. "Oh? You have a twin! How cool. Hi, I'm Seong-mi. You are?"

Saeran glanced at his brother skeptically, who hadn't seemed to take his eyes of this woman. But he managed to nod. Saeran sighed, glancing back at the woman with a blank look. "Saeran."

"Nice to meet you, Saeran!" She replied giddily before averting her gaze back to Saeyoung. "It's been so long since I last saw you! Your hair has gotten so much longer."

Saeyoung lifted his hand and touched his hair, feeling how it touched upon his shoulders. He should really tie it back or get a haircut. "Yeah ... yours has grown too."

Saeran watched their interaction with narrowed eyes. If he encountered the woman he cheated on his significant other with, he'd turn around and walk in the other direction. His brother truly was stupid.

"Hey, we should hang out some time! It'd be nice to catch up," Seong-mi stated, eyes hopeful.

"We're leaving soon." Saeran intercepted before his brother could reply. The woman frowned in the slightest, the hope simmering from her eyes. Saeran was annoyed by her; as if she mattered to Saeyoung as much Noeul did. "We'll be going now."

Saeran grabbed his brother by the elbow as dragged him away from the woman, grip tight. She tried to protest but the twins were walking at quite a fast pace now. Saeyoung attempted to pull away from his brother's grip, but a sharp, angry look from Saeran ceased his efforts. The younger twin wondered why Saeyoung wasn't as irritated as he was. How could he just stand there and talk to the woman who brought the woman he loves so much pain? Saeran would never understand. 

The moment the twins were out of her sight, Saeran released Saeyoung and turned around to face him, cold eyes narrowing.

"How dumb are you?" Saeran questioned, crossing his arms.

Saeyoung glanced away. "I... I don't know how to explain it. There's something about her that reminded me about Noeul and ... I don't know."

"Yeah, there should be. You kissed that woman to hurt Noeul. Obviously that woman is going to bring back memories of her." He snapped, hitting his brother upside his head.

"God, stop reminding me ..." Saeyoung muttered, digging the palms of his hands into his eyes to cease the tears that escaped.

"Then stop crying. I don't know how many times I have to remind you that all this shit wasn't your fault. You need to move on, Saeyoung." Saeran said. His voice softened in the slightest as he reached forward to pull his brother's hands away from his eyes. He wasn't wearing his glasses, which to begin with he wasn't that blind without them. Saeran was in too much of a rush for him to be able to take them with him.

Saeyoung opened his mouth to reply but faltered when his phone went off. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and glanced at it, eyebrows furrowing. "Jumin says he need our help at his building. Something about a malware attack."

"But I want ice cream." Saeran grumbled, almost child like.

A small smile formed on Saeyoung's lips - the first one in a while. He patted his brother's shoulder affectionately before dragging him along to Jumin's building.

* * *

The twins spent hours fighting off the attack. Apparently it was too much for Jumin's IT branch or what not, prompting the heir to bring in the skilled ex-hackers. It had been a while since they picked up a computer and hacked away, making them a bit sloppy and extending their time in trying to ward off the attack. At first, they couldn't work as efficiently since Saeyoung found himself forgetting certain codes he needed to input and how to strengthen the firewall. His brother was a bit worse, since he hadn't exactly reached at expert level that Saeyoung used to stand upon.

All the hacking and tracing took Noeul off of Saeyoung's mind a bit. There would be times where she would try to pry into his mind, pictures of her dead body briefly flashing through his mind. But then they would get attacked once again and she'd be all forgotten.

It was rather amusing how Saeran refused to work unless they brought him ice cream - and not just a simple cup. He wanted a whole tub of mint-chocolate chip ice cream, which he happily recieved and ate nearly all of it by the first hour in.

Numerous times did Jumin try to check up on them and see their progress, but each and every time the twins would just ignore him or tell him to leave. They were truly invested in their work and did not want to be bothered in the slightest.

The twins briefly talked to each other, though it was mostly about how to evade an attack or how to fix a chip in the firewall. They weren't facing each other, rather, they had their backs to each other with an array of computers in front of them. The setup sort of reminded him of Saeran's old setup back at Mint Eye, which have him a bad feeling in his stomach.

"Dammit, these attacks never stop!" Saeran snapped angrily, slamming his fist on the desk. "Just who are these people?!"

"I've been trying to trace them, but every time I almost do they send another virus or attack I need to fend off." Saeyoung said. He had an inkling of who this could be, but he quickly dismissed the thought. Saeran had exposed them to the public anyways, so there was no possible way they could still be up and running.

Saeran grumbled multiple curses and insults under his breath. "They really are persistent."The twin glanced outside the windows, letting out a small scoff. "Jesus, we're worse than we thought. It's already night time."

Saeyoung spared a glance at the windows. "I don't think it's so much that we're bad at this. Whoever's on the other side is just persistent, and maybe a bit smarter and stronger than we are."

"Can't believe I inherited the idiocy from you." Saeran sighed, resuming the rhythmic typing on his keyboard.

Saeyoung let out a faint chuckle at his words. "I don't think it works like that, but you're welcome."

Saeyoung went back to his computer, cracking his knuckles before resuming his typing. He began to trace them once again, this time being able to evade the viruses they sent his way. He had to work at a pace that they couldn't match - and they were already fast enough. But he was so close to cracking their code and discovering who they were. So, so close...

Until the computers shut off along with the lights in the building.

" _Fuck_!!" Saeran yelled in anger. "What the hell happened?!"

Saeyoung pulled out his phone to see that it wouldn't turn on either. He turned it over to see that there was a large burn mark where the battery was, causing him to grimace. The computer was fizzling and smoke began to escape from it.

The older twin stood up from his chair and walked over to the windows that were currently blinded. He lifted a blind to peek through, only to see that it was pitch black throughout the rest of the office.

His eyes widened once he looked down at the floor. All the employees on this floor and presumeably on every other were passed out on the floor, some still sitting but passed out on their desks.

Saeyoung released the blind and backed away from the windows. He looked around the room for any escape routes only to find none, much to his dismay.

"What's going on?" Saeran questioned as he stood up from his chair as well.

He turned to face his brother and forcefully took off his sweater. Saeran protested and tried to push him away, but failed miserably. He wrapped the sleeves of his sweater around Saeran's mouth and nose, tying it effectively at the back of his head.

"Shut up, will you?! We're being attack right now and there's gas passing through the ventilation that's knocking people out!" Saeyoung snapped when his brother tried taking off the sweater on his face.

Saeyoung took off his own sweater and repeated the same process, wrapping the sleeves a few times around his lower half of his face just to be sure. 

It had been a while since Saeyoung had actually had to fight someone hand to hand, and he knew that if he went up against someone, he'd likely fail. But he needed to protect his brother, who absolutely knew nothing about fighting and protecting himself unless he had a gun in his hands.

The twins walked towards the windows once more and peeked through the blinds, surveying the office outside. There was not a single person who was conscious. It could be possible that there was no one else on this floor - however Jumin also resided on this floor so they couldn't be sure.

"Won't the security come?" Saeran questioned as he pulled away from the blinds.

"Yeah ... don't worry." Saeyoung replied, comfortingly placing his hand on his brother's shoulder.

They'd be safe ... right?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jumping right into the plot lol


	6. I Know You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> graphic depictions of blood and violence ahead!

_Noeul felt lost without him. She wasn't sure what to do, how to act, how to feel without him. She was so hopelessly in love with him and she was so sure that he felt the same way! He had told her to so! So why did he leave her? Why did he cheat on her? She had so many unanswered questions, all of which he refused to answer. She spent her time thinking of what she could have done wrong to make him leave her.  Every single flaw, anything she could have said wrong ..._

_Or maybe he truly never loved her in the first place._

_A sob escaped her lips as she curled further into a fetal position in her bed, blanket covering her body completely. She'd been crying for hours on end now, rejecting any call that came through her phone. Every single time she had hoped it was him. It was never was him._

_It had been days since she's been in contact with any of the RFA members. Weeks, maybe. She couldn't keep track of time when all she did was lay in bed, crying her eyes out and make occasional trips to the bathroom. Her phone was constantly blowing up with messages from her friends, which prompted her to silence her notifications from the app. All she wanted was for **him** to call her, saying that he would come back ...._

_Say that he always loved her._

_Noeul tried her hardest not to think about that woman he had kissed. She briefly saw her face, but she had no idea who that woman was. There were so many endless possibilities to who that woman was, what she meant to him._

_Maybe he was never truly in love with Noeul, but loved that woman all along._

_Eyes shut tight, Noeul chucked her phone at the wall and buried herself further into the covers. She covered her ears to silence the voices in her head that never seemed to say anything positive._

_She was falling deeper and deeper into a pit of despair, and she made no move to crawl her way out of it._

* * *

The floor was quiet. Not a word was spoken, only the muffled sound of her feet tapping the pristine floor below her echoing in her ears. As far as she had known, everyone in the building excluding herself and agents that assisted her on this mission were to be unconscious.The mission itself was excessive in Noeul's, eyes, but the client had a specific set of rules that needed to be followed or else the Agency wouldn't be compensated.

Her men were scattered among the floor she was currently on and on the very first floor of the building. The mission was supposed to be quick and efficient - no more than five hours to execute. In her eyes, the plan was simple.

The camera systems, telephones, and all sorts of communication were to be shut off before entering the building. At the same time, gas was to be released into the building where every occupant were to be rendered unconscious. Noeul and her squad of agents were to then infiltrate the building, Noeul heading straight for the Chairman's office as the other agents waited on the lookout. Once she came in contact with the Chairman, she were to put a bullet through his temple, then frame his death as if it were a suicide. Anyone that stood in her way, she was able to wipe out.

This was one of more serious missions Noeul had been assigned. Since she was technically still in training, she was mostly assigned to protect people more than anything. This mission was to prove her worth in the Agency. If she failed, the end for her would come quick.

She was almost tempted to fail.

 _Agent No. 3, what is your position?_ The german-heavy accent of Gerhardt spoke through the mic in her ear.

"Now approaching the Chairman's office," She answered. She could sense the man's presence, who appeared to be at ease rather than fearful. The two bodyguard's outside of his office were laid face first on the ground, immobile. "He's in his office.

 _Good. Do your part, No. 3_. Gerhardt responded.

Noeul threw a glance over her shoulder to see the quiet floor with unconscious bodies. The thought didn't irk her in the slightest. She faced forward once more and pushed the grand doors open, dull eyes narrowing once her gaze laid upon her target. The Chairman hadn't even glanced up from the pile of documents on his desk, signing away at the papers.

"Jumin, I'd love to chat but I'm rather busy at the moment." The Chairman said, flipping through the documents on his desk.

Noeul pulled out her gun with her gloved hand from her holster and switched off the safety, her finger hovering over the trigger and aiming the gun at his head. The sound of the gun cocking finally gained the man's attention, his head slowly lifting to meet Noeul's gaze. His eyes widened and his face paled considerably, hands coming up in surrender.

"Please, I-I'll give you anything you want." The Chairman pleaded, calloused hands shaking.

She didn't say a word as she approached his side, pressing the barrel of the gun against his temple. She felt him shiver against the gun, though she wondered whether it was because of the gun or the dead, emotionless look she was giving him.

"I have a son, plea-"

Noeul pulled on the trigger. The bullet flew from the gun and tore through his temple, blood splattering all over the desk and the monitor on his desk. The Chairman's eyes rolled to the back of his head and his body slumped forward and a little off to the side, forehead banging against the stack of papers. She then grabbed his hand and wrapped his fingers around the gun, mimicking how he'd supposedly shoot himself before placing his hand down on the table with the gun. She surveyed the room quickly, making she she left no traces behind.

 _Very good, Agent No. 3. How does your first kill feel?_ Gerhardt questioned through the earpiece.

She felt ... oddly empty.

* * *

The sound of a gunshot startled the twins. It sounded way too close to comfort. Saeran latched onto Saeyoung's arm and gripped him tightly, wide eyes darting around the room. Saeyoung could practically feel Saeran's heart race and his panic rise. He figured the panic stemmed back to the Mint Eye incident all those years ago, where he had accidentally taken a man's life with a gun. The thought made him want to comfort his brother, but there were greater issues at hand. There was someone armed in this building, and his main priority was to get Saeran out unharmed. There would be no way in Hell where he'd loose his brother again.

He pried his brother's hands off of him and gripped him by the shoulders. Saeran's wide eyes met his, the panic dissolving in the slightest. "We need to get out of here now. But don't worry, I won't let anything happen to you."

Saeran nodded, unable to get any words from leaving his mouth.

Saeyoung let go of his brother and turned around. He walked towards the door and opened it slowly, taking a peek outside. The office was still empty save for all the unconscious bodies that scattered the office floor. He felt Saeran grip the back of his sweater, and the older twin spared a glance back before stepping out. They warily began to walk towards the exit, that either led to the elevators of the stair way. There were a few hallways in order to reach the stairs, all to which Saeyoung had previously memorized. But they had to act like they were walking on thin ice up until they were outside.

They had only taken a few steps until Saeran gripped his brother's sweat tightly and pulled him back.

Saeyoung shot an annoyed glare over his shoulder. "What? We need to keep going!"

"Jumin," Was all that Saeran said.

"Saeran, he's probably knocked out right now." Saeyoung sighed when he gave him a sharp look. "Right now, you are the only person who matters the most. I need to get you the fuck out before you can get hurt."

"He's your friend." Saeran shot back.

"You're my brother. My twin." Saeyoung retorted. Saeran looked away, a frown etching onto his face. "Come on."

The twins continued to carefully tread out of the main office, now walking through the series of hallways that led to the stairway. This floor layout was different from the floor Jumin was in, considering that on this floor was where the Chairman's office was. They didn't have enough time to swoop down and check on the corporate heir, no matter how guilty they felt.

As they rounded a corner, a flash of movement caught Saeyoung's eye. He shoved his twin back, causing Saeran to fall roughly onto the ground as Saeyoung narrowly dodged a fist that came swinging at him. There was way too much force behind that swing - and if it would have landed on him, it would have definitely broken his jaw. Saeyoung could barely look at his attacker due to how fast they were delivering their moves. He culd barely dodge any of them, grimacing when he was punched in the stomach and when an elbow came crashing down on the top of his head.

"Saeyoung!" Saeyoung heard him call out as his vision blacked out for a few moments. 

But when his vision returned, dread weight his stomach down.

In a matter of seconds, their attacker delivered the same blow to their stomach, only this time they mounted his shoulders and gripped his neck tightly in their thighs. The attacker spun around on his shoulders and threw him to the ground, landing swiftly on their feet. Saeran took deep breaths of air, trying to replenish the oxygen that was stolen from him in those few moments.

Their attacker stood still for a moment, debating on who to attack first. At this moment, Saeyoung was able to get a good look at the attacker. They were aparently female, as if their breasts didn't speak for them. Her hair was long even though it was in a high pontytail, the chestnut colored waves reaching her waist. She was dressed in a common outfit made for a field agent, with the number '3' embedded in silver lettering above her left breast. However her mask differentiated her from the rest. It only covered the area from below her eyes and down. From behind her bangs that only covered her eyebrows, you could see her ... hazel eyes?

The woman leaped over Saeran's body and lunged towards Saeyoung, fist raised and barreling towards him. Saeyoung side-stepped her and brought his arm up, slamming his elbow on her jaw and knocking her over. The sound of her mask breaking sent a bolt of triumph coursing through him. Though it had been a while, his moves were still in tact.

"Who the hell are you?" Saeyoung questioned as he leaned over and snatched the mask from the ground.

The woman pushed herself up from the ground and swiftly turned on her heels, dull hazel eyes meeting amber ones.

Saeyoung instantly paled at the sight of this woman. The mask dropped from his hands and his mouth fell open, eyes widening.

"Noeul?" He whispered, voice shaking. He had to be hallucinating. There was no way that the love of his life was standing right before him when she had been declared dead three years ago. "Are you ... what?"

The supposed Noeul furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "Noeul?"

Her voice. **Her voice**. _Fuck_ , it was her.

Saeyoung took a tentative step forward, whereas she took one step back. "Noeul. Noeul! What happened to you? What the hell are you doing?"

"Shut up," She whispered. She couldn't explain this deep pain she felt in her chest as she looked at this man. She couldn't explain the tears that surfaced just by looking at him.

"They told me you were dead! How... how are you here?!" He cried, his voice cracking.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" She cried, hands coming to grip at her head as an excruciating pain erupted. Gerhardt was yelling through the mic for her to leave, but the pain in her head was just to much.

"Noeul-"

" _Shut up_!!" She screamed, lunging towards him and slamming her fist into his stomach once more. He fell on top of Saeran with a groan, blood escaping his lips. 

But the pain meant nothing to him as he pushed himself off of his brother and crawled towards Noeul, who now sat on her knees and clutched at her head. "Noeul, look at me. Please tell me what's going on. Who did this to you?!"

"I don't know you!" She screamed. "I don't, I don't, I don't!"

He opened his mouth to speak, but his voice faltered as he watched her visibly relax and her eyes become glazed over. Her hands left her head and her posture straightened.

"I am happy to comply." Was all she said before standing up and turning on her heels. She sprinted away from them, rapidly approaching the glass window at the end of the hallway.

"Noeul! Noeul, wait!!" Saeyoung cried as he tried to stand and chase after her. A hand grabbed the back of his sweater but he still went forward, refusing to let her slip away once more.

He froze in his spot as Noeul pulled an extra gun out and shot the  glass window, effectively shattering it. Saeyoung cried out once more as she jumped out the window and out of their sights. He sobbed her name and fell to his knees, the pain becoming too much for him to bear. Blood still fell from his lips, mixed with saliva and tears as he cried. 

The sound of helicopter blades whirring caught his attention. All he saw for a mere second was a helicopter rapidly ascending, a flash of chestnut hair appearing before disappearing once more. 

Then, there was silence.

 

 


	7. Consequences of Remebering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> graphic descriptions of brainwashing and torture ahead :(
> 
> there's also a time skip, so beware pls

_Her apartment now was spotless clean, bed made and all. She opened up the curtains and let the sun light filter throughout the house, a stark contrast to the dim lighting she's had for the past few days. She wanted her apartment to look nice in case anyone came looking for her. She held a note in her hand, pacing in front of her bed nervously. There were many things she could've done than this, but she wanted him to suffer like she did._

_Soon enough Saeyoung would find out about Noeul's disappearance and be able to do absolutely nothing about it. He told her that he never wanted her in the eyes of his Agency, believing that they would corrupt her. But thanks to him, that was what exactly she was doing._

_Noeul no longer wanted to remember him. She didn't want to love him anymore and she didn't want to cry over him anymore. It didn't help that she always felt down if she didn't take her pills - which she recently flushed down the toilet earlier this morning._

_She had no means of returning to her home, or to the RFA. She was going to disappear forever, and no one would stop her._

_Noeul crumpled the note in her hand and tossed the paper into the trash bin._

_She needed to forget, and she exactly where to go in order to do just that._

* * *

 

_Noeul hadn't been to Saeyoung's bunker since he left.  The place looked abandoned and void of life. She knew not to step foot into the bunker because it would trigger the motion sensors and it would explode. All she wanted was for her memory to be wiped, not to die a horrible death._

_The brunette had a feeling that his place might be swarming with the ex-agents he once used to work with. There was no doubt that the Agency was still looking for him, considering how abruptly he left and how much knowledge he knows of it. They were probably looking for Saeran, too, since he had exposed them._

_Noeul stood three feet from the familiar gate, hands wringing the ends of her skirt. Every single neuron in her brain was screaming 'danger', telling her to leave and never look back. There was a very slim chance that she'd escape the Agency alive, and an even slimmer chance of her being accepted into the Agency._

_Brief images of being endlessly tortured for information on Saeyoung's whereabouts flashed through her mind, sending cold chills down her spine._

_The pain would help her forget._

_"I know someone's here from the Agency." Noeul called out, raising her hands in surrender. "I just want to speak with who ever's in charge."_

_She had just merely finished speaking when a gunshot rang, a searing pain coursing through her thigh. Noeul cried out in pain and collapsed to the ground, clutching her right thigh where she'd been shot. She glanced up to see agents dressed in all black with large guns surrounding her, guns aimed straight at her. Fear began to blossom within her, hands shaking against her bleeding wound._

_The agent nearest to her head lifted his gun and slammed it down on her head, rendering her unconscious._

* * *

Ragged coughs escaped her bloody lips, body leaning forward in her chair. Her hands and legs were bound to the chair with rough, rustic metal that dug into his wrists and ankles. The flesh around the metal was a nasty purple-red color, dried blood clinging onto the torn skin. Puncture wounds scattered her hands and up her arms, due to previous injections of a special serum that inhibited the acceleration of her healing. Her clothes were battered and dirty, the white t-shirt stained with her own blood. Cuts and bruises painted her face, lip and eyebrows split, cheeks cut and swollen with purple bruises. Her stomach didn't look too pretty either, and she was sure that she had some internal bleeding occurring under the surface of her skin.

"I knew him ... I ... knew him. Please, please, plea-"

A harsh kick was delivered from her stomach, blood escaping from her lips from the impact. Noeul wheezed, trying to gain back the air that had escaped from her.

"Seven ... Seven. Help. Help me.." She whispered, his face appearing behind her eyelids when she shut her eyes. He only appeared for a mere moment, face blurry but red hair clear. She knew him, she loved him, she saw him-

She cried out when a knife was plunged into her thigh.

A hand grabbed her bruised face and forced her to look up into the eyes of Gerhardt.

"You listen to me, Agent. That man means nothing to you. You work for me, you belong to me. Do you know what happens when you reveal your identity during a mission?" Gerhardt said through clenched teeth.

She'd never seen him so angry. But his angry was not registering in her muddled mind. "Seven..."

Gerhardt back-handed her with an enraged yell.

"You get killed, Agent! If you reveal your identity, you get killed! And what did you do?! You revealed yourself!" He snapped, grabbing her by the neck and forcefully choking her. "I can easily snap your neck right now! Do you realize that if you die, no one will know?! Your true self has been wiped from this world. And no one will ever come looking because you do not exist."

Choked gasps escaped her lips as she struggled to breathe, hands trying to break free. "Ah... P...lea... I'm... sorry..."

He gaze her a threatening squeeze before releasing her. "But you're too valuable to kill. You cost my company millions and you're the only successful one out of that bitch's experiments."

Noeul leaned forward and gasped loudly, pulling at her restraints once more as she tried to blink away the black dots covering her vision.

The cell door opened to reveal Madam Frost accompanied by two guards. The older woman looked down at Noeul with a hard glare.

"How foolish can you be?" Madam Frost questioned. "And out of all people, really?"

Noeul didn't say a word. She only let the blood drip from her cracked lips with her body leaned for ward in the seat.

Madam Frost turned to Gerhardt with an annoyed look. "Our conditioning methods are beginning to be ineffective for her. However. I've found a possible solution to this."

"Let me guess," Gerhardt sighed. "You want to brainwash her using the electroshock method they used on that fictional soldier."

"Precisely." The woman answered.

Noeul looked up at them, bloodshot eyes wide. There would be no way in Hell that the electroshock method could actually work on a person. It might as well kill her, depending on the amount of voltage they would use on her. Either way, it could create immense brain damage for her and render Noeul useless, which would only end up in her death as the final result.

"Are you insane? That method is purely fictional. It only works in your damn comics because it isn't real." Gerhardt snapped. "We'll have to use drugs to brainwash her instead."

"False. Her body has an accelerated healing rate, even with the suppressants. Her body would eat up the drugs and dispose of it before you could fully brainwash her." Madam Frost retorted. "Don't try to fight with me on this. I'm the scientist here."

Gerhardt glared at her, wishing he could put a bullet in her head before facing Noeul once more. The agent was dazed and was bleeding in numerous places, a dark bruise forming around her neck. She couldn't be beaten into submission, but perhaps this new method would scare her into it.

"Fine. Get her out of there."

The guards stepped forward and unlocked the bounds circling her wrists and ankles. The guards cringed at the torn flesh that looked like an infection was daring to bloom. They grabbed Noeul by her biceps and hauled her up out of the chair, though keeping her in a position where here feet would drag against the ground.

Madam Frost led them to the all too familiar room where her previous brainwashing methods took place. Instead of the cross-like structure sitting in the middle of the room, there was a long chair surrounded by large metal objects that Noeul's mind could not process as the moment.

She was placed in the chair and was strapped down, even around her neck. She was hooked up to the machine that stood proudly behind her, electrodes placed around her forehead and in various places of her body. A crown-like structure was placed on her head that was also connected to the machine behind her. Noeul couldn't move her body at all. All she could do was merely lay there and wait for the pain that was to come. Madam Frost approached her with a mouth guard in her hand, forcing Noeul's mouth open and placing it inside.

"Have to make sure you don't swallow your tongue or bite it off." The woman explained. She placed her hand on Noeul's shoulder with a chilling smile forming on her lips. "This is the start of a new era, Noeul. All the findings I've discovered break the rules of science. You will see in the end that all the pain you have and will endure will be worth it."

Noeul pulled on the restraints, earning a warning squeeze on her shoulder before Madam Frost walked away. Her eyes followed her until it landed on a camera set up facing her, red light blinking indicating that it was on. She remembered her sessions of her previous brainwashings were also recorded, but she never understood their purpose.

She was brainwashed to forget Saeyoung.

The moment his name and his face appeared in her mind, Noeul let out a pained whimper and pulled against her restraints. Remembering not only sent a searing pain tear through her mind, but her heart also stung. He meant something to her, and his significance was coming in bits and pieces the longer she sat there.

"All the systems are up and running," Madam Frost announced, coming to stand in front of the camera. "I'm aware we have an audience watching. Please, do take pleasure in her pain as she learns not to fail _us_ ever again."

Madam Frost stepped out of frame and behind the camera, watching Noeul through the viewfinders with a smirk. She then met the agent's gaze and said,

"Commence."

A scream was ripped from Noeul's throat as electricity was shocked into her mind and all over her body. Her screams of pain were muffled behind the mouth guard, but she couldn't even hear the pitch of her screams over the loud buzz of electricity coursing through her. It was gone the moment it came, labored gasps leaving Noeul's blocked mouth as she tried to get a hold of her senses.

"Agent No. 3. You belong to us, yes?" Madam Frost questioned.

Noeul shook her head weakly.

An annoyed sigh left Madam Frost's lips. "Commence again."

Noeul screamed again and again until she couldn't scream no longer. She finally submitted to them by the sixth try.

* * *

The method couldn't have been more of a success.

Madam Frost watched gleefully as Noeul tore down man after man at her training session. She kept an eerily serious look on her face as she defeated every man within seconds, not letting her opponents land a single finger on her. Her performance peaked after she woke from her extremely long comatose state. She no longer talked back - or talked at all. She did as she was told and finished every single mission thrown her way without an issue. It was only slightly worrying at first to see Noeul's lack of expression and response, but all her vitals were perfectly fine. Her 'therapist' deemed her mental state fine, though they'd have to keep a close eye to see if she had any depressive episodes.

Footsteps sounded from behind her though she didn't bother to look to see who it was. Her eyes were trained on Noeul, who moved almost too fast to be seen with the naked eye.

"She's improved," The deep, gruff voice of Gerhardt sounded from behind her. "Every mission she's completed as gone without a hitch."

"You'd expect that after being beaten and brainwashed for a week," Madam Frost explained. "And you can't forget about her two week long recovery rate."

"She did three missions in one month that would've taken a regular agent a year to complete one." Gerhardt said, eyes narrowing. "She's powerful."

Madam Frost turned her head to look at Gerhardt. "And I know just the thing to make her perfect."

"No." He shot down.

"Think of it, Gerhardt. I have something that can alter her completely. She'll be an unstoppable force. We'll be the most powerful Agency in the world." She explained.

"At what cost?" Gerhardt snapped. "Your last great idea killed all your test subjects but one. I won't go down this road again."

"This one will have less of a fatal impact, I'm sure of it." She replied. She took a step closer to him and placed her hand on her bicep,  her expression growing serious. "I only have two attempts to do this. One for her ... and one for you."

Gerhardt's expression grew angrier, but Madam Frost silenced him before he could speak. "Trust me when I say this. You _will_ become the most powerful man in the world. No one will _ever_ be able to cross your path again."

Gerhardt glanced away from the woman to focus back on Noeul who had punched away a two ton weight that was sent flying towards her. When the weight landed, there was a dent in the metal. The man already thought that she was overpowered. Ever since she woke up from her coma, she no longer held back her strength. Her limits had yet to be determined. But ... if he along with Noeul were the most powerful people on the Earth, and he had reins on his agent, there would be nothing that could stop them.

It had sounded promising enough.

He turned to face the scientist. "Fine. Have everything set up by tomorrow."

With that said, he spun on his heels and walked out of the small room. Madam Frost watched him go with an impassive look, up until he left the room. A malicious grin spread across her lips as she took his former position and looked down upon Noeul.

"And it'll only work if you are like Noeul..."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this will most likely be the last chapter that'll show noeul's perspective for a while now. everything will be from saeyoung pov.
> 
> i have so much planned for this :')
> 
> the time skip is around a month and a half, just so u all know
> 
> this chapter is ugly im sry


End file.
